Was it worth losing a relationship with your son?

eye-609987_1280My child support has ended and I am left feeling sad. Not sad because there will be no more child support, my son is old enough to take care of himself now. And definitely not sad because that marriage ended, as I know it was the best thing for me. Sad that anger, jealousy, and deceit found its way into this situation which would have ended so very differently if these emotions had not existed.

Because I decided to leave my marriage, and it was not an easy decision, I was left dealing with hatred and deceit so extreme that if I were a weak woman it may have brought me to my knees. But here I am with my head held high.

I honestly always thought that if you did the right thing and told the truth that people could see that. I sure was smacked upside the head with reality! I learned that if you are not a deceitful person that you can surely become a victim of one.

But when I think of it, who really was the victim here? Was it the intended target or those who were manipulated into being part of a devious plot?

It’s sad to know what I know. It’s sad that people in a position to change things did not. It’s sad that siblings were separated. It’s sad that children, once again, lost another mother. The whole situation is just so darn sad!

So here I am feeling sad. Sad that hatred seems to have eaten away the soul of someone who used to say he loved me. Sad to think that envy has brought about a bitter person who has tried everything to hurt me and take me down. I truly feel sad for you.

Yet here I am, still standing! Still involved in a close relationship with my children and working on mending the relationships of those who were casualties of a war that should never have been. I am still loved by many. I am happy with my life.

I wonder, was it all worth it?

Was it worth all the lies and deceit?

Was it worth turning your back on your son and pretending I was the one at fault?

Our son once looked up to you. You were his hero. I would never have taken that away from him. But your hatred for me consumed you so much that it diminished any love that you had for him.

Was it all worth it? Was it worth losing a relationship with your son?

It all makes me so sad….



  1. I know so many mothers that feel the exact same way. I can only say that you’ve clearly done a good job, and you’ll have the rest of your life to enjoy your son.
    From the looks of this post, you were so smart to get out. That’s the real prize — owning your own life and making it a good, happy one!

    • Thank you so much for your comment. it really is sad that some people just can’t get past themselves! If there are children involved we must put our feelings aside and concentrate on what is best for the children.

  2. Wow. You could be talking about my situation. Leaving that marriage was one of the hardest thigns I ever did though ultimately it was one of the most rewarding. My husband made the time after a living hell with court battles for sutody and the refusal to pay child support. And yes. As soon as my son came of age he decided being a parent wasn’t all that omportant to him suddenly. I always suspected vengeance fueled his actions and I guess I was right. What a total waste of time, money and energy. He has no idea what he lost.

  3. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through. It’s amazing, isn’t it, to see another side (and not a good one) of someone that you once cared for. I think I have seen the real core of the man I married and I am so glad that I didn’t spend more of my life with him.

  4. I feel happy for you that you were strong enough to go without being broken first. You are right that we need to think about our kids and spare them best possible. Not all are able to or willing to see the world from other places than their own. It will hit them for the rest of their lives, because our kids will still be loyal to the parent who did not try to talk and act bad about the other parent. When they grow up, they remember and learn how to act for themselves in the right way.
    You sound like a great mother Cheryl. Wish you a happy new life 🙂

    • Thanks Irene. My life will be just fine. I feel bad for the innocent victims, the children. How anyone can be so consumed with hatred for someone that they are blind to what their actions are doing to their children, is beyond me. You are right about kids being loyal to the parent that did the right thing. My ex has told people, including the court, that I “took” his son. I did move to another state, but he moved me. He packed the truck, drove it to where I was going and unpacked it. In fact, his mother paid for the truck. Now he can tell anyone he wants how much of a horrible person I am and that one day I just packed up and “took’ his child without his knowledge but all the kids know this isn’t true.
      They also packed, came for the ride, and unpacked the truck. His lying about this cost me visitation with my step children who I had raised as my own (their biological mother was deceased). And this isn’t the only lie that hurt the children…..I am in the process of writing a book about all this. Thank you for taking the time to stop by read and comment. It is much appreciated.

      • I do really hope for you, that you will get the contact back to the other kids too. It is terrible both for them and for you. They do look at you as their mother. Wish you all the best and good luck.

  5. Tough situation. Stay strong was great advice. Came over to welcome you to the A to Z Blogging Challenge! I hope you’ll enjoy it and looking forward to seeing what you’ll be posting in April

    • Hi Rhonda. I’m staying strong! This will be my second time participating in the A to Z Challenge. I also signed up my other blog, Birthday Twin Central. I had so much fun last year! Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. Looking forward to seeing what you’ll be writing as well.

  6. “I learned that if you are not a deceitful person that you can surely become a victim of one.” so true, and so sad. I’ve experienced it myself. But I also learned that over time, the lies show themselves, and slowly, those who put you aside because of the lies come back, and love you even more. At least that is what happened with me – I have my kid’s love, even stronger than before. I have my friends’ love, even stronger than before.

    I am glad you are a strong woman, and can get through this. I wish you good fortune on your journey. And joy.

  7. Thank you Tom. I am glad things worked out for you. I really do believe that in the end truth prevails. Thank you also for taking the time to read and comment. Wishing you all the best.

  8. Great that you are free now to be who you were created to be. In your peace you can write your best seller and celebrate. My Ex wasn’t a good husband or father. One day it all ended. I was glad to get rid of him. He stole our daughter away to use her to have me pay child support and then cast her aside when his plan didn’t work. He was abusive and I knew one day it would be me or him. In the midst of all of that I forgave him so I could move on without those horrible years haunting me and making me bitter. The last time I saw him, I actually felt sorry for him. He’s on his third wife and things aren’t all that great with them. Thanks for sharing and making a way for all of us to freely share. Blessings.

      • These men didn’t realize they had good women. They are searching for the qualities they had in us but won’t be able to find because no other woman will have them. So they are on a journey that will never end. Blessings.

  9. “Sometimes your biggest effort will be ignored, but your smallest mistake will be judged.”

    I’m reminded of this quote for some reason after reading this post.

    You’re one tough lady. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

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