In my opinion a non-custodial parent who has decided to no longer take an interest in their child’s life and abandon them emotionally and physically is far worse than a non-custodial parent who does not pay child support. Granted, child support is important in maintaining the child’s financial needs. But the lack of emotional and physical support of a parent can leave a devastating impact on the life of their child.
And not only do these absent non-custodial parents write off their children they often blame the custodial parent for their actions. I suppose having a scape goat may help soothe a guilty conscience. Blaming the custodial parent can also help with being seen as the “victim.”
I think that many absent non-custodial parents do not visit their child because they HATE the custodial parent. They HATE that person so much that they can’t even look at their own child. I honestly do not understand this. When I look at my children I do not see their father….I see my child. Hating the other parent is not an excuse for abandoning your child.
Then there are some absent non-custodial parents that will use the excuse they cannot deal with the custodial parent. If you cannot deal with them, for whatever reasons, then you go to court and get a court order to involve a third party that makes it so you don’t have to see the custodial parent. Not being able to deal with the other parent is not an excuse for abandoning your child.
Another excuse that is used is that the absent non-custodial parent is so emotionally upset over the situation that they can’t visit the child. It hurts them too much! What about your child? What a self-absorbed defense! Think about your child’s feelings before your own. Not being able to deal with the situation is not an excuse for abandoning your child.
To make matters worse many of these absent non-custodial parents seem to think that when the child is grown they will be there for the parent who abandoned them with arms wide open. All they need are their asinine excuses and their child will understand. Many non-custodial parents will put down the custodial parent right at the beginning of the first conversation with their estranged child. Not only have they abandoned their child now they are insulting their intelligence. A child knows the parent that has been there. They know if that parent is a liar or if they have been truthful. They know if the custodial parent has put their needs first. They know if the custodial parent has ever talked badly to them about the other parent. They know what kind of a person their custodial parent is. Children are not as gullible as you may think! They know!
So before you turn your back on your child because things with the other parent are not going your way, think and think hard! You are about to abandon an innocent child, a human being who will need and want both parents in their life. Abandoning a child is inexcusable! So step up and be the parent that you would want!
© Cheryl Wright 2014
~Plucking Of My Heartstrings~ 
People should grow up before having children or maybe they should pass some kind of test that shows their ability to put their children ahead of their own interests.
How parents can not take an interest in a child’s life is beyond me. We bring them into the world we have a duty to take care of them and give them the best chance in life that we can.
Abandonment is not an option.. there is no option
[…] 7. The Inexcusable Absent Parent https://pluckingofmyheartstrings.com/2014/03/12/the-inexcusable-absent-parent/ […]
Reblogged this on Plucking Of My Heartstrings.
My non-custodial parent left when I was a year old. He tried to establish a relationship with me when I was 19-22, but it wasn’t successful. I cannot tell you the number of years of therapy needed to deal with abandonment issues and relationship with men issues. I understand if there are other issues where the custodial parent would prevent a relationship (domestic violence/alcohol or drug abuse/child abuse), but my own experience shows that sometimes, it’s just that they walk away. Sad, but in the long run better off without him.
Sorry that you had to go through all that. As you mentioned, there are times that a custodial parent may have a legitimate reason for keeping a child away from the non-custodial parent. I have one son that I had to do that to. It was a different situation with my younger son. His dad cut ties with him and even tore apart siblings. Never would I have kept my younger son from his dad or his siblings!
Having sort of gone through (not me) by observing someone close to me having to deal with this situation, my heart went out to my friend who was so vilified by the mother and attacked so often and lied to and about every single thing that there was nothing else to do but to gradually stop seeing the child. In this case, the mother was and is horrible and she is the only reason the child/father have no relationship. It was entirely her fault. So sometimes we can’t always blame the man.
Every situation is different. You are right, you can’t always blame the man.
You’re absolutely right. As a former therapist who worked with children and families, the worst thing for a child is selfish parents who put their needs first.
Sadly, it happens way too much.