Armored Heart

Believing that the abuse that he endured in his childhood was something he deserved, he continues to struggle through his life. He seems to wear the bitterness on the sleeve of his button down plain shirts. He looks much older than that of his age and his clothes would suggest that he is. His overly thin body carries more weight, in emotion, than one should ever have to sustain.

The years have not been a friend to him and it shows. He carries himself with an adamant demeanor and goes through life as if he were a bulldozer. Plowing his way through and not seeming to care about the consequences. Making one wrong choice after another. Forever battling the conflict that is raging within.

Missing out on being a child has caused him more pain then he will ever admit. But it shows in the way he interacts with children. He treats children as if they are unimportant. Their feelings mean nothing. Birthday parties, cartoons, toys all seem to enrage him. Bonding with any child, even his own, has yet to be mastered. It’s easier to turn his back and walk away then to take on the responisbility that comes with being a loving parent.

He lacks the ability to connect with people, therefore he has no friends. To truly care for someone seems to be a sign of weakness. So he stumbles though life going from relationship to relationship, never truly giving of himself. Never seeming to care.

Sure, he can help you if you need a favor or something done. He would be the first one to offer his services. But when it comes to matters of the heart, he becomes unattainable.

His refusal to deal with issues that are important to his well being has inflicted such chaos in his life. Instead of taking care of problems he seems to run from them and so they follow him, wherever he may go.

All lifes disappointments have enfolded around his heart and have turned to armor. Layer upon layer. Causing him to never enjoy the wonderful things that life has to offer. Never knowing inner peace, how to laugh at yourself or the secure feeling that comes with being with someone who truly loves you.

Although he carries this armored heart, so well protected, there is still a part left which is vulnerable. It is in this small place that he feels it. The emptiness within. The place where only sadness and guilt dwell.

Yet he continues on with life. Never giving himself the opportunity to be free from the chains of insecurity, frustration and hurt. Forever throwing his fits of rage and never dealing with the anger that may someday consume him. Not believing that what happened to him should never happen to any child. Forever struggling to gain acceptance and prove himself to those who did him harm. And for those who love him, they will forever pay the price.